That was a Thursday. Two days later on the Saturday, she was taken back to the hospital again having had another "cardiac event". They kept her longer this time - 5 days instead of 4!
For about a week, she seemed to be improving but last Thursday, I just didn't like the look of her. I don't know why I thought it but just felt there was something not quite right. Sure enough, that afternoon I got a phone call from the home to tell me she had a chest infection but that she wasn't in pain and was quite content in herself.
I was back in to see her on Sunday morning with Joanna and I remember saying to Joanna as we drove home, "Granny's not well". At lunchtime, the nurse from the home phoned to say that they'd got the ambulance back to take her to the hospital again. Her oxygen levels were low and her blood pressure was way down. It turns out she now has pneumonia. Her breathing is awful. She isn't swallowing and so is on intravenous fluids and antibiotics and heaven knows what else. I have cried every single time I have come out of visiting because I am so scared of what mum is going through.
I was just putting my coat on this afternoon to go to visit her when my Auntie (mum's sister) phoned me for her monthly update on mum. She and I spoke (and cried) for a while and she said a few things to me that I really needed to hear. I felt a bit better after that and actually didn't cry coming out of the hospital this afternoon. (Needless to say, I'm crying as I type this but that's just me. A crier and not in the least ashamed of it!)
It's so hard to deal with my head right now. I want mum to get better - obviously - but, I don't want her to be in pain or uncomfortable. I want what's best for mum and, at the moment, I just don't know what that is. :o(
Anyway, that's why I'm not here much. Blogging is the last thing on my mind at the moment.